The 10 Worst Schools in Geekdom

28 09 2012

Anything with “school” and “geek” in the title automatically gets my attention.

It’s interesting to think about. How many genre shows, films, books, and comics are set in a school, or have students and their teachers or mentors as central figures? A whole lot of ’em,
actually. Susana Polo at The Mary Sue created her own top ten list of the worst schools in geek culture. What kind of parent sends their kid to a school that’s built over a hellmouth? Who seriously thinks it’s a good idea to turn their kid over to be trained to fight super villains? Seriously, if the school’s getting blown up once a semester, you might want reconsider where your tuition money is being sent.

Below are a few highlights from the list, in no particular order. Be sure to check out the whole thing here!

– dEV

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So… yeah. Your student body is made entirely of cloned historical figures, all of them either striving or cracked under the weight of living up to the legacies of their historical counterparts. The show’s one season spent a lot of energy making fun of teen drama shows, and also creating some of the most quotable lines in MTV history.

Also, like many of the things on this list, the characters were in high school but were almost never shown in class. The dangers of slapstick comedy don’t apply however, since the clones exhibit a very toon-like physical resiliency. The biggest academic challenge any of them faced was the PXJTs, an SAT equivalent.

However, aside from academics, there was the Secret Board of Shadowy Figures who caused them to be created in the first place, for god knows what purposes, who regularly butted heads with the school’s Principal Scudworth. He wants to eventually harness all the clones to work in his theme park “Cloney Island.” And that’s with out mentioning Death Maze.


Look, I’m sure that Professor Xavier actually came by his honorifics honorably (from Harvard, Oxford, and Columbia, apparently), and I’m sure that he’s made sure that Jean, Scott, and Ororo are certified. And there’s no question of Hank McCoy’s suitability as a teacher.

But how much teaching can actually go on at a school where the teachers are jetting off every other day to save the world? Sometimes taking students with them? Sometimes becoming possessed by the billion-year-old source of all life in the universe?

And once and for all, does Wolverine teach gym or art? Or “close quarters combat?” He’s gotta teach something now that he’s in charge of the whole dang place. Except now he’s with the Avengers? Sort that stuff out, man. You’ve got kids to be responsible for.

Do we really need to say anything about this one? Not only does the consistently empty library prove just how much stock this institution of learning puts into actual learning, Sunnydale High is quite possibly the most dangerous building in the world. It’s probably that handy entrance to Hell thing that does it.

Seriously, while everyone has their problems in high school, this school is the only one where, through the power of metaphor, all those problems will turn into monsters and try to eat you. Worried about losing your virginity? Well, then your hot substitute teacher’s gonna try to eat you. Want to have a night to remember at prom? Well, then a bunch of hellhounds are gonna try to eat you. Want to just graduate in peace? Well, then you just know the mayor is gonna transform into a giant demon snake during his speech and try to eat you. That’s just the way it is here.

Parents, if you’re trying to decide a good school district to raise your children in, here’s a helpful tip. Don’t move to the one that gives out a “Class Protector” award to the girl who helped the most kids not die.

(Full Story)




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